This is one of a pair of poems I wrote in response to Ben asking, at the age of 24, for an autism assessment (see also link here to American football poem). This poem was an exercise in trying something new with an acrostic, trying a new format whilst getting the message across of how difficult it can be to be neurodiverse.

I run interference for him.

He’s my quarterback,

but one who only rarely makes his own play.

Here I stand, resolute, but alone,

struggling to cling to the last vestiges

of face to face family life.

The geometry of lust

creates a non-equilateral triangle

where fractals of love
form and reform.

The man who taught me to ride a bike,

(by pretending he was still holding on) is gone.

The man who taught me how to drive his car,

part 1 – Breaking up

So, we finally let go

you and I –

This is my dog,

My Tess.

My true companion.

If you can

Look, see the children play.

Build sunshine from rain

On a night so deep you can taste it,

I read your letter, aloud.

Quietly.

When Ben was ten,

he thought, for a while,

I’ll grow my hair long,

What happens to…

the ‘rear’ kids?

the ones with the silent voices

Hidden in barren boughs

iced berries, like frosted rubies,

await the raw sunshine warmth of the day.

I miss

The early morning kitchen cups of tea

Catching up on the news and gossip

So quiet the land –

the lanes, the paths

the leafy glades.

I am RAGE!

And rage is ME.

Blinding, bubbling,

All across the flat lands,

The scattered stoic stone spires of English churches,

reach towards the sky,

And the noise, the noise,

It’s all white in my head.

And all I want,

So now green is for remembrance,

And yellow roses too.

And the slippers in the hall

We had a dog that came free with a lead,

A young black puppy – a mix of a breed.

We called her Tess, and it seemed to suit her well –

Too well I slaked my thirst

On truth untold.

(Alas) Too well.

In the castle of my heart,

You are the keep.

In the doorways of my mind,

On a cold, snowing morn,

Two soldiers met at war.

As they faced each other weapons in hand,