This poem echoes the things I was trying to say about how my life had changed so very much, and indeed how all our lives changed, (for me, Michael, Ben and Martin) for such a long time. We didn’t get a holiday that year, just a few days in the north seeing Mikey, and being near the sea, and I walked alone on the beach, as Martin was too ill to come with me all the time. He was very ill, more than we knew at the time, and at this point we were still having chemotherapy, with the hope that it was going to work. Through all this he remained strong and positive, and pulled us both through. The poem reflects the moments of pure anger I felt at times, for what life had thrown at us, and this anger was mostly kept under control. But every now and then I exploded in rage, not at anyone, more at everything. Then I would cry, with a grief that I thought I had left behind after mum died, followed by the calm after the storm, until the next time.

PUBLISHED on The Causley Trust October 2023